You know this one...? The part of us that says of those of us ‘in the business of personal growth’ that we are failing if we have a day containing even a few negative thoughts? A day of judgements? A day of pain, low energy or brain fog? The mind understands it so well - soothing us with gentle and appropriate platitudes; the ones we might use with clients and students. But still we 'shouldn't' feel so bad; after all, how long have we spent working on ourselves? Learning all the methods and ways of not feeling these things?! Yet the body rebels and ‘what we resist persists’. We resist strongly and feed the persisting of the feelings, until the latter win out fair and square. Well, today I had a process from a friend. Monday night had been a bit of a mega-night in all of the above; fearful, depressed, tired out, and a bit battered from the many miles driven in uncomfortable circumstances over the days before. I had no idea why the feelings had manifested, and I could feel my embodied resistance to them strongly. During the process today I received a clear and loving message:
“We love you so much for your efforts. For your working so hard to avoid what you call negative human feelings. For attempting to ‘rise above them’. For wanting to assist others away from their own so-called negative feelings, and to instill confidence for them with the absence of your own. But you know, you are in human form. You will feel those feelings. And so will they. None of you have done anything wrong to have them. And if only you knew how much you are loved when feeling them. Just as much as you are loved the rest of the time. There is no line crossable in our loving. It is only you who compares feelings and gives them a false hierarchy; we just see you and love you the same way in every moment. Can you forgive yourself the low moods? The tiredness? Any aches or pains? Can you truly and deeply let yourself have them as humans will? And just know how unconditionally loved you are?”
The sense in me was of a great opening of possibility. Of peace and calm deep in my cells. Of a gentle acceptance. And even though my head had got this advice over and over in the past, the difference in this moment was that my body got it, and I felt the forgiveness flow into every cell and pour a balm over all the trying and doubting. I felt a great peace in the acceptance of 'gnowing' that all human feelings have a palpable ‘rightness’ to them.
We walk a fine line between finding the present moment’s feelings unacceptable in ourselves (and also in others) and finding the present moment’s feelings acceptable. When to help people Be, and when to help them Grow. The difficulty lies when he have buttons that get pressed. It’s these buttons, and the interpretations we make about them, that lead to us deciding we have unwanted feelings. And all the ”I shouldn’t feel like this anymore”s and the “I should be able to change this now”s are the resistance that maintains them. But heal the buttons and the feelings are healed. Then the acceptance of our feelings can flourish. And yet this is a circular event, joinable at any point on the circumference; allow the acceptance of being a beautiful, fully-feeling'd human, and the relevant buttons begin to dissolve away on their own, acceptance blossoms, and a healing has happened.
The more I stayed with the emotions through Monday night - in my body and not my head - the more they softened and lost their power. And today I healed many buttons. What they were I will share tomorrow; they are similar to ones held by so many of us. But rest assured there is another way to live than in the shadow of our life experiences.
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