IN DEFENCE OF THE HUMBLE MOUSE

In the last two days two more mice have been reported as suffering at the hands of their masters. Given hugely restricted quarters and then nigh on crushed to death. If they could have squeaked, this could have been prevented.

What on earth am I on about?! Well, I’m talking about the wee creature, Mousus Movus, that lives on your desk - if you’re a desktop computer person of course*. This poor wee creature is greatly ignored, and even if seen and acknowledged, hugely misunderstood. He (or she, of course) is blamed for many a right arm ailment in its user, but has no way of defending himself. I know of lucky mice who wear a fluffy coat with a teddy’s-tummy-squeak sown into the back of it. The moment the owner's hand gets too keen, or their body too heavy, the squeak alerts the owner to back off, and Mousus Movus (MM) can breathe again.

*If you’re a laptop person, your mouse is trapped within the touch pad, but we’ll get to this breed later - Mousus Trapidus.

This endless crushing of the breath in this vulnerable creature comes alongside the cruelty of keeping it in such a small space. He lives on a mat measuring twice times his length and barely three times his width. He can just about turn around, but is never given the chance. The master, alongside the placing of his entire weight on MM’s back, squeezes and tightens on MM’s throat each time MM threatens to leave the mat. MM is trying his best to be where Cursor, his mate, wants to be, but the mat stops him from doing this. Sometimes he is even lifted up and slammed down onto another part of the mat just so he can ‘get it right’ and move Cursor another millimetre. This severely winds MM and he often takes a moment to recover. How MM wishes he could just have the space and freedom of the whole desk or table; oh, how he would show his master how powerful and brilliant he is!

But the thing he really wants to tell his master is this: “Do you realise what you do to yourself all the time you are restricting me? When you try and make me move Cursor on the big screen above me and I’ve run out of mat, you screw your shoulder into all sorts of contortions with the effort of restraining me. I am so willing to move for you, but you don’t let me! I see you ram your wrist down into the table - or even the wrist rest you have purchased at great cost - and try and move me with just your hand or fingers. This restricts me even more! Then I hear you telling people that you need a new mouse as I have injured you! I am so upset and so hurt; I feel so powerless to tell you what’s happening. I’m just a humble mouse; and if you move me around where you want me to go, I will always heed your wishes, I really will. But I have to have room to move. And I move so much more freely if you’re not heavy on my back and stiffening your arm.

So often my life is short lived - I survive the beatings and crushings, I manage on my tiny mat, but despite this I am all too often put in a drawer; discarded without a whim in favour of a supposedly bigger, better, smarter, cleverer, version - Mousus Ballus, Mousus Ergonomicus, Mousus Erectus...on and on, someone somewhere breeding ever more sophisticated mice, and yet none of us can tell you that you that this isn't necessary! We, the humble Mousus Movus are just fine. It’s how you use us that is key. If you give us room to play, if you support your own weight on your sitting bones on your chair rather than attempting to have us prop you up, if you stop trapping your hand in one place by leaning on your wrist, if you and I can dance freely on the table top, you will be amazed at how easy it becomes! And you will see we are not out to injure you; your not-knowing these things is what is doing that. Might I be so bold as to repeat my main point?... Your bum takes your weight, not us!” 

So, in deference to the wishes of all mice, please have a think about this? Watch how you treat your mouse, listen for its squeak if you’re too heavy on its back. Sometimes let it play for you on a different part of the desk....maybe away over beyond your coffee cup? Or even on your neighbour’s desk!! Fly free and explore, dear mice! Take your masters' arms away from their bodies and encourage them to release and lengthen!

And despite the fact that Mousus Trapidus can’t roam free, living as it does inside a laptop finger pad, it too has a squeak on its back in the pad, and the laptop itself (beside the pad) has one too. So let your arm and wrist dance, tickle the finger pad with your finger tips and play it like a piano. Your wrist really doesn’t have to lean on the laptop at all! You’ve just got used to it being like that. Be aware of the squeak of warning as you work, and play with all the possibilities!

“We, Mousus Movus and Trapidus, and in great numbers, hope this has been really helpful to you. We hope it means happy shoulders, wrists and arms, and happy, happy mice everywhere! If you need more help on this, we highly recommend you visit a representative of the MMTPS - Mousus Movus & Trapidus Protection Society - who go under the name of Alexander Technique teachers. The one, Annie, who has kindly taken our dictation for this plea for help is pretty good; she’s saved many, many mice' lives, and arms of masters, over the years; most notably at UK Orange call-centres. She'll come into your work place too and she, with us, will give invaluable advice in order to save the lives of many mice, and also many masters.

Good luck! Happy typing from now on! We are all very grateful to you for reading this!”